So, I have recently lost a little weight. Not much, but enough that I was able to dig out some old pants and they miraculously fit again. Yippee! My wardrobe has doubled! The thing is, it’s not just my pants that are too big. This phenomenon has also affected my underwear. I discovered this when I sat down at my desk yesterday morning and was nearly choked by my enormous granny panties. People, I am not even kidding. I bought a package of white undies several months ago to wear with my white karate uniform, and as luck would have it, the only ones in white were not the cute ones. But it didn’t matter, because I desperately needed white undies, having already been vicariously embarrassed for the kid who wore paisley boxers with his karate uniform. So I bought them, and wore them to many a class, where I was far more concerned about not getting knocked out cold than I was about my undies (especially since they were white, and therefore undetectable. Like stealth underwear. No! Ninja underwear!). And even though I now have a black karate uniform, and can therefore wear whatever the heck I want under it, those white undies are still in my drawer. Which is how I came to be fighting them off yesterday morning, having grabbed them in the dark and been too lazy/late to grab anything else. Let me tell you, adjusting one’s underwear is not usually encouraged in the workplace, especially when said adjusting involves tucking them under your armpits. I prevailed, nonetheless, and managed to make it through the day, only to wear them under my karate uniform last night and wrench my back. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? Like, “buy new underwear”? It’s possible, right??
Because when does the universe ever say “buy a new Camaro”??