The Wiener Monologues, Act II

I was again assisting my 3YO in getting dressed, and I asked if everything was okay in the undies region. “Yes,” he said, “my wiener is down there with his friend, Ball.”


*blink* *blink*


I do not make these things up, I swear.



More signs in the bathroom.  On the outside door “please open slowly”, which makes sense because if you push it really hard, you’re probably going to brain someone on their way out.  On the other hand, the same sign is on the inside of the door.  I don’t get this.  Because if you pull it open really quickly, someone might fall in?  I don’t know.  But this bothers me far more than it should.


In knitting news – I started (and finished!) a dishrag.  It doesn’t sound that exciting, I know, but anyone who has every washed dishes with one of these rags will understand.  Seriously, the ability to make my own dishrags is the real reason that I wanted to learn to knit.  How crazy is that?  The cotton yarn is sort of hard to work with, though,  because it doesn’t have any natural give like wool does.  But I’m not planning on making an afghan with it, and I have just enough patience to finish a dishrag before I want to throw the whole thing across the room.  I visited a local yarn store last weekend, and they had some fabulous fiber (fibre?), but I would have to take out a second mortgage to afford it.  For instance, there were skeins of sock yarn – which make one sock each, remember – for $20!!!  I mean, good gravy!  And it was wool, which I know started its life as sheep hair, and had to be sheered, washed, spun, dyed, etc, but COME ON!  If I had socks worth $40, I’d either wear them every day to justify the cost, or never, so they wouldn’t get ruined.  There was some cashmere yarn, also, which I drooled over for awhile.  I had also planned to ask some advice of the yarn doyen who owns the place, but the only other customer in the store was hogging up all of her time.  Which was annoying enough, but she also had on a floor length raincoat, that appeared to have been made out of upholstery fabric, and which flapped out behind her as she ran from one side of the store to the other, so that I was sorely tempted to step on it and see if she’d fall over.  But I didn’t.


On my never ending quest for sock yarn, I headed over to Hancock Fabrics, and it was no surprise that their yarn stock is lacking.  Can I tell you again how much I miss Jo Ann Fabrics?  Sigh.  Hancock didn’t even have double pointed needles, which are a must for socks.  Well, actually, I’ve heard that one can make two socks at the same time using two circular needles, but that doesn’t seem natural.  And since I have the dpns already, seems like I ought to use them.


I was making lunch a few Saturdays ago, and my 3YO told me that he wanted his tuna salad on a white bagel.  I was a little confused that he would be so picky, but I told him, we only have wheat bagels.  He kept repeating that he wanted white bagels, and so finally, I asked him to show me what he meant.  He heaved a huge sigh, dragged himself over to the counter, and pointed at the bag of powdered donuts.  “These, Mama!”  (In other words, “duh!”)  It took me awhile to convince him that to put tuna salad on a “white bagel” would be one of the most disgusting taste combinations ever, and I finally promised him that he could have one for dessert, and he was happy.


My 6YO started T-ball last week, which it turns out isn’t actually T-ball because the coach will pitch during the game.  I must say, that he’s one of the better hitters on the team.  None of them can catch, really, and a few are still afraid of the ball.  One of the boys is going to be great when he’s older, it’s so obvious, it’s kinda spooky.  Since the 6YO is one of the tallest, if not the tallest, kid on the team, he’s been playing first base.  I don’t know what they will do when the games start, and whether or not the kids will have assigned positions, or will rotate.  But, I’m going to have to start stalking the ESPN listings and recording baseball games.  My husband doesn’t like baseball, so he never watches the games, and I think it would be a good point of reference for the 6YO to watch, at least a few minutes here and there.  Anyway, beyond a few expected moments when he was wool-gathering, he seemed to enjoy practice, and listened well to the coaches – a success in itself!


And finally, movie reviews.  Last weekend I watched “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Play List”, which was okay, but reminded me that I wanted to plug “Juno” because they both star Michael Cera.  I highly recommend “Juno”.  It’s one of the only Oscar winning movies that I’ve actually liked/understood (“Lost in Translation” anyone??).  The writing is really smart, and the story is not at all what I thought it would be, but the ending was sooooo satisfying!  Go rent it!


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